Let the Streets Resound with Singing

When I first decided to go on a short term mission trip to Morocco, I’ll admit that I thought there was something arrogant about a group heading to a foreign country and thinking they could have a significant impact being there for a small amount of time. Sure, we were going to learn things… to grow our hearts for countries and cultures less fortunate than our own… to give NYU students an alternative spring break opportunity...etc, etc.

I realize now that my attitude really spoke volumes about how I put limits on the things I felt God could accomplish. So the arrogance was all mine. I am incredibly thankful that God used my time in Morocco to show me that He is not a wasteful God. He would not send 30 people on a trip in His name without using them while they were there to accomplish great things. And although I think I knew that, my definition of “great things” needed to be changed.

Perhaps my definition of “great things” should be expanded to include the smiles of children, the grateful tears of relieved adults and revelations through prayer that God is working in the lives we touch. Perhaps “great things” includes getting a roof built or a room painted or knowing that praying over a child means that God will bless and protect her as she grows. And, perhaps, “great things” includes the moment I look back on the last year of my life and see God’s Sovereign hand in every detail of it.

"As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.

As the rain and the snow
come down from heaven,
and do not return to it
without watering the earth
and making it bud and flourish,
so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,

So is my word that goes out from my mouth:
It will not return to me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire
and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.”
-Isaiah 55: 9-11

I was floored by this passage and the promise that the rain and snow coming from Heaven do not return to Heaven without not only watering the earth, but also making it bud and flourish. And that rain not only makes the earth bud and flourish but it ALSO provides seed for the sower and bread for the eater.

Several months ago, a friend told me “God wastes nothing”. But it was not until this trip that I truly grasped that promise through these verses. God doesn’t waste groups of 30 people going to a foreign country to serve. And God does not waste anything else. He does not waste my struggles, my hurts, my brokenness, or even my sins. None of that is wasted. All of that will not return to Heaven until it has watered the earth and made it bud and flourish. And not just bud and flourish, but until it has blessed the people around us as well. It will not return to Him empty.

So thankful for this verse.
And so thankful that I can live in the freedom of knowing that the specific details of my story (and yours) will not be wasted in this lifetime.

It will not return to Him empty.

Esther Lessons

I am sad that tomorrow is the final day of my Esther Bible study by Beth Moore. It has been such a lovely study for the last few months as I have transitioned from one phase of my life into the next. And Tuesday, crazy enough, was actually the second day of Purim, the holiday that commemorates the deliverance of the Jewish people from the hands of Haman as recorded in the book of.. (drumroll please)... Esther.

So, in honor of Purim, Esther and transitions here are five of my favorite Esther reminders:

1) God is specific. I am always so tempted to look at what seems like a series of random events in my life and say, “Wow, what a coincidence.” But when I’m reading the story of someone else’s life, someone like Esther, it’s obvious that none of those things are coincidence but that God plots things out specifically in our lives to take us down the roads we need to go down. It’s just a little easier to see it when it’s someone else's story.

2.) Some things are worth losing face over. When Mordecai, Esther’s cousin/adopted father, finds out that the Jewish people are to be annihilated, he “tore his clothes, put on sackcloth and ashes, and went out into the city, wailing loudly and bitterly." (Esther 4:1) He saw no need to save face. He saw no need to keep the mask on and pretend that something did not need to be done. He was at the ultimate point of vulnerability because he knew that the cause he was weeping over was more important than any pride that he would hold on to by pretending not to be in need. There are moments when God needs me to be vulnerable. There are moments when God needs me to put aside my pride and be open to the possibility of hurt/rejection/judgement of others because something greater is at stake.

3) Moments that feel insignificant may be the biggest piece of my puzzle. Mordecai told Esther that she was not allowed to sit pretty in the palace and watch her people be annihilated. She may have been created for this very moment, for a "time and a place such as this". (Esther 4:14) Certain moments in my life feel like assignments that could have no divine significance. But when I look back (as Esther did) I can see that God placed me in that moment because He needed me to be there.

Beth Moore said: "At strategic times of internal war I stop and ask myself, 'What if this is a critical moment? What if this very thing, this very decision, is the most important piece of the puzzle comprising my purpose?'"

4) There are simple inconveniences and there are authentic tribulations. Mordecai sends a message to Esther who lives in the palace that she must speak to the king in order to stop the annihilation of the Jewish people. Esther sends a message back saying that would put her life in danger (in other words, "Sorry, I can't help.") and Mordecai sends ANOTHER message to her telling her "Do not think that because you are in the king's house you alone of all the Jews will escape." (Esther 4:13). Ouch. Then he tells her that she could have been created for this very moment.

Beth Moore makes the point that perhaps Esther's life had become so privileged as a queen that she was completely detached from the needs of her people who were condemned to die: "If we distance ourselves long enough from real needs, we replace them with those that aren't. Pretense becomes the new real and suddenly a delay in the delivery of our new couch becomes a terrible upset. We are wise to force ourselves to keep differentiating between simple inconveniences and authentic tribulations. The more detached and self-aborbed we become, the more we mistake annoyances for agonies."

5) "If I perish, I perish." (Esther 4:16) Esther went before the king knowing that doing so was risking her life but she knew that her life was not her own and she did it anyway. The greatest battle has been fought and won by my Lord and Savior. Death's sting has no power over me. If I fail/hurt/am rejected/go broke/lose my life, so be it. I do not have to live this life in fear of those things because I do not even have to fear death.

Happy Purim.

P.S. Photo by tanakawho from Flickr.

P.P.S. Two Days until Morocco.

Freedom

Psalm 30:1-3, 11-12

I will exalt you, O LORD, for you lifted me out of the depths and did not let my enemies gloat over me.

O LORD my God, I called to you for help and you healed me.

O LORD, you brought me up from the grave; you spared me from going down into the pit.

You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy,
that my heart may sing to you and not be silent.

O LORD my God, I will give you thanks forever.

Amen.

(P.S. Nine days until Morocco. )

(P.P.S. Photo by tanakawho from Flickr.)

The Halfway vs. the Full Way

"Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake.  When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified.  "It's a ghost," they said, and cried out in fear.

But Jesus immediately said to them: "Take courage!  It is I  Do not be afraid."

"Lord, if it's you," Peter replied, "tell me to come to you on the water."

"Come," he said.

Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus.  But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out,"Lord, save me!"

Immediately Jesus reached out His hand and caught him.  "You of little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?"- Matthew 14:25-32

I was confronted this week with the knowledge that I was living as if I believe God does things halfway.  Jesus says "Come" out on the water, take a risk, trust me, follow me and believe that I have your best interest in my perfect design.  So I take that step.  I get out of the boat.  And then when I am standing on the water, I start doubting/ freaking out/ thinking that He's brought me out here and he's going to let me drown.  (Which if I did, that would be okay, right? Because "If I perish, I perish.")

But He has never let me drown yet.  He always reaches out His hand and catches me.  Although rarely does being "caught" look like what I thought it would.  Maybe I wanted to be caught by a nice embrace and instead He tackles me in a fishing net and throws me over His shoulder.  But He doesn't let me drown.  And while I'm struggling around in that net on His back, kicking and screaming, I am growing in my trust and my love for Him.  I am growing in my belief that God is Sovereign, Consistent and Loving.  I am growing in my faith.  

I saw a production of "The Winter's Tale" recently and at one point one of characters says "It is required you do awake your faith."  

God does not do things halfway.  He has not covered my sin halfway.  He does not only heal me halfway.  He does not keep His promises halfway.  If He calls me to do something, He will not expect me to figure out how to get there on my own, He will provide the means.  

When I am fearful of drowning, it is required that I do "awake my faith".  It is required that I make a decision to be faithful and not to doubt until my story is written... until my story is completed.

(Photo by tanakawho from Flickr.)

And If I Perish, I Perish

I found myself skipping an audition the other day because it required me to do something that I hadn't done since college and I thought I would fail. I let the fear that I would not be able to perform well drive me to not even attending and giving it a shot. It was just one of many examples lately of how I allow fear to dominate my decisions instead of living in freedom knowing that God has my life in His hands.

I have been so encouraged by the book of Esther lately. To bring us up to speed:

Esther is queen and living in the palace. The king and his pal have decided to annihilate the Jewish people. Esther is Jewish but her king does not know that. Esther's cousin Mordecai confronts her and tells her that she cannot just sit back and not step in on behalf of the Jewish people to the king thinking that because she lives in the palace she will be saved. He reminds her that she could have been put in the palace "for a time and place such as this" to intercede on behalf of the Jewish people. The law says that the queen cannot just show up and talk to the queen unless he has requested her presence because, well, she could be put to death.

"Then Esther sent this reply to Mordecai: ' Go gather together all the Jews who are in Susa and fast for me. Do not eat or drink for three days, night or day. I and my maids will fast as you do. When this is done, I will go to the king, even though it is against the law. And if I perish, I perish.'" (Esther 4:15-16)

Wow. You talk about a woman. "And if I perish, I perish." What guts. What faith. To know that you are going to do what God has put you in this place to do and if you perish, so be it.

Well, I rarely fear for my life. I fear a lot of things- failure, looking like an idiot, embarrassment, getting hurt, rejection, etc. but none of that is as fierce as "perishing".

But what if my faith was so strong that I didn't make any decisions based on fear? I have a friend who is often reminding me to "take fear out of the equation" when I am making decisions.

"The Lord Himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid. Do not be discouraged. " -Deuteronomy 31:8

When I remind myself that the Lord Himself has gone before me and fought the greatest battle and it is won... When I remind myself that death's sting has no power over me... Then why on earth would I fear a little pain/inconvenience/embarrassment/rejection/failure in this lifetime? The worst that could happen is I will perish.

And if I perish, I perish.

(P.S. Picture by Romeo Koitmae from Flickr.)

Storytelling, Art and Walking on Water

I just finished this book by Madeline L'Engle (A Wrinkle in Time) called Walking on Water: Reflections on Faith and Art. (It was a Christmas present from Susan-thank you Susan.) It has rocked my world. Please forgive the numerous quotes that follow but I just think she has so many incredible things to say. I felt like each page just screamed with reasons validating how important art is for our world and our relationship with God. I'm sure it will take me a lifetime to weave all that I have learned into my work.

But a summary of some of the things that I learned from this book:

*As an artist, my act of service is to the story. I had always thought that my act of service was to the audience but in reading this book I realized I cannot control what the audience thinks of my work and therefore I should make my greatest priority telling the story to the best of my abilities. This also takes enormous pressure off of worrying about the very objective ways people will view my performances.

"Obedience is an unpopular word nowadays but the artist must be obedient to the work whether it be a symphony, a painting, or a story for a child. I believe that each work of art... comes to the artist and says 'Here am I. Enflesh me. Give birth to me.'"

*Art (similar to prayer) requires listening which is a discipline.

"The artist must be obedient to the command of the work, knowing that this involves long hours of research, of throwing out a month's work, of going back to the beginning, or, sometimes scrapping the whole thing. But when the words mean even more than the writer knew they meant, then the writer has been listening. And sometimes when we listen, we are led into places we do not expect."

*The best work occurs when I listen and die to myself.

"To serve a work of art, great or small, is to die, to die to self. If the artist is able to listen to the work, he must get out of the way; or more correctly he must be willing to be got out of the way, to be killed to self in order to become the servant of the work."

“When the artist is truly the servant of the work, the work is better than the artist; Shakespeare knew how to listen to his work and so he often wrote better than he could write…
“In a very real sense not one of us is qualified, but it seems that God continually chooses the most unqualified to do his work, to bear his glory. If we are qualified, we tend to think that we have done the job ourselves. If we are forced to accept our evident lack of qualification then there’s no danger that we will confuse God’s work with our own, or God’s glory with our own.”

*Creating art requires not only a leap of faith but also a relinquishment of control.

"The challenge is to let my intellect work for the creative act, not against it. And this means, first of all, that I must have more faith in the work than I have in myself."

"Artist have always been drawn to the wild, wide elements they cannot control or understand. To be an artist means to approach the light and that means to let go our control, to allow our whole selves to be placed with absolute faith in that which is greater than we are. The novel we sit down to write and the one we end up writing may be very different just as the Jesus we grasp and the Jesus who grasps us may also differ."

*This book also reinforced many of the reasons why art, why storytelling is important and God-glorifying. It is a real shame that so many churches today do not recognize the power that lies in story, in myth and in the creative process.

“It is one of the great triumphs of Lucifer that he has managed to make Christians believe that a story is a lie, that a myth should be outgrown with puberty, that to act in a play is inconsistent with true religion.”

"Far too often today children are taught, both in school and at home, to equate truth with fact. If we can't understand something and dissect it with our conscious minds, then it isn't true. In our anxiety to limit ourselves to that which we can comprehend definitively we are losing all that is above, beyond, below, through, past, over that small area encompassed by our conscious minds. "

“God is constantly creating, in us, through us, with us, and to co-create with God is our human calling. It is the calling for all of us, his creatures but it is perhaps more conscious with the artist…”

“The great artists keep us from frozenness, from smugness, from thinking that the truth is in us rather than in God…. They help us to know that we are often closer to God in our doubts than in our certainties, that it is all right to be like a small child who constantly asks, Why? Why? Why?”

“There is no denying that the artist is someone who is full of questions, who cries them out in great angst, who discovers rainbow answers in the darkness and then rushes to canvas or paper. An artist is someone who cannot rest, who can never rest as long as there is one suffering creature in the world….Perhaps the artist longs to sleep well every night, to eat anything without indigestion, to feel no moral qualms, to turn off the television news and make a bologna sandwich after seeing the devastation and death…. But the artist cannot manage this normalcy. Vision keeps breaking through and must find means of expression.”

Culture Making

"There are two humanities now in the world. There are two communities. One calls on the name of the Lord and creates culture in God’s name. And seeks with culture to serve God and neighbor. And the other community also makes culture but in order to get glory, in order to prove themselves, in order to make a name for themselves. There’s two ways to make culture. There’s two ways to create a society. One is based on power. One is based on peace. One develops oppression. One develops justice. One is based on power and its result is death. One is based on service and its result is life…."

-From Tim Keller's "A Tale of Two Cities" Sermon

(Photo is the beginning of a piece of art by my friend Teresa)